What is real confidence?

What is real confidence?

Let’s start by seeing what the dictionaries tell about confidence.

The Oxford dictionary for instance defines confidence as ‘The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something, firm trust.’

In this definition, we can clearly see the dynamics between internal confidence and confidence where you have to rely on an external factor to validate yours. That external validation you once needed? Real confidence makes it irrelevant.

Furthermore, according to other authoritative English dictionaries, namely Merriam-Webster and Cambridge, confidence embodies 3 aspects:

1. Self-assurance
2. Trust and reliance
3. Certainty and secrecy

Now, we all want to embody confidence. It is often cited as one of the most attractive traits a person can possess, and it is appealing in so many ways.

When someone carries themselves with confidence, they are perceived as capable, they inspire trust, leadership and we have a tendency to feel emotionally safe, in good hands. We trust the other person to guide us and again, this approach is very much external.

Equally, when someone lacks confidence, we can automatically feel it. They come across as diffident, insecure, and prone to self-doubt. Their outlook on life is far less optimistic, to say the least.

So, there it makes complete sense why someone aspires to be confident.
But let’s take it a step further.

What is real confidence?

For me, it’s when you fully know your worth to the extent that talking to a taxi driver and a CEO makes no difference to you at all.

So, to embody real confidence, I’d strongly start with the following:

1. Know your ‘I’: Identity
2. Know what you stand for
3. Know the values aligned with this ‘new’ identity
4. Face the FEARS preventing you from owning your identity

When you know your identify, you have a sense of belonging, not connecting to another person but belonging to you, as it all comes back down to you.

And identity can also be that of a pioneer. Recognising that you’re meant to be own leader, creating your own community, your own rules as not everyone is meant to be a follower.

Once these are identified, you would know what you stand for. If you don’t, assess what’s not for you and make your way to identifying the things you stand for. As the more you do, the more empowered you feel as the more of a voice you have.

These bring you down to your values. Knowing your values allow you to meet your specific needs. And that is important. Why? Because it allows you to connect to those who have similar values and as such you get to have a sense of belonging. You get to do things together.

There are so many lonely people out there and you certainly, don’t want to be one of them.

Finally, facing your FEARS, using all the healthy means possible. This empowers your masculine energy straight away. Masculine energy is this innate ability that you have in you to take action, to solve situations and the more you do, the more you feel good about yourself. The more you do, the less fearful you feel.

Fears are negative thoughts that either project you in the future or take you back to a past and more that 90% of them never manifest in real life and yet, many of us are paralysed by it.

Fear of judgement.
Fear of rejection
Fear of not being enough – pretty enough, intelligent enough, tall enough…

The list goes on.

And often, when we squash those fears, we find ourselves connecting and talking to others more. And we feel good about it.

Fears forms part of our natural existential life. Those fears come from our younger selves, deeply rooted in our survival mechanism, in our subconscious mind. Hence why having a powerful internal dialogue is vital in squashing them as we are mostly not in conscious control of our actions.

So, awareness is key.
Awareness of that internal narrative.
Awareness of our day-to-day actions.

Once we build up on awareness, confidence is that next little step you take on a daily basis that acts as physical proof that you want to be in a different frequency. This slowly empowers your masculine in a healthy way.

Don’t disregard those little steps. It is them that increase your esteem in you and create in you that solid belief that whatever comes your way, you’ve got this.